I'm going to tell you about the most popular car in Dubai, and you're not going to believe me. It's not a Lamborghini. It's not a Ferrari. It's not even one of those gold-plated monstrosities that make you wonder if taste is inversely proportional to wallet size. No, the car that has stolen the hearts of Dubai's petrolheads is... a Nissan. A Nissan bloody Patrol.Now, for those of you who don't know, the Nissan Patrol is about as stylish as a brick. It's the kind of car that makes you wonder if Nissan's design team consists entirely of people who failed geometry. It's boxy, it's huge, and it has all the aerodynamic properties of a garden shed.But here's the thing: In Dubai, they love it. They love it more than they love air conditioning, which, given that Dubai is essentially a city built in Satan's armpit, is saying something.The Patrol's been around since 1951, which in car years makes it about as old as the wheel. It started life as a sort of Japanese Land Rover, the kind of car you'd use if you needed to drive up a mountain. Or through one.The Australians got hold of it and, in true Aussie fashion, decided it wasn't quite insane enough. They beefed it up, gave it engines big enough to power a small country, and used it to traverse terrain that would make Mars look like a parking lot.But it's in Dubai where the Patrol has reached its final, most ludicrous form. You see, while the rest of the world has moved on to newer, more sensible versions of the Patrol, Dubai said, "Nah, mate. We're good." They're still selling brand new Y61 Patrols, a car that's so old it probably remembers the invention of fire.The Y61 Patrol is the cockroach of the automotive world. It's simple, it's unkillable, and it'll probably outlast humanity. It's got a straight-six engine that produces enough torque to alter the Earth's rotation, suspension that could survive a nuclear blast, and an interior that's about as luxurious as a Soviet gulag. And the Dubaians? They love to modify these things. I've seen Patrols with exhaust pipes you could sleep in. Patrols with enough LED lights to be visible from space. Patrols with wheels so big they've got their own gravitational pull. One bloke even installed a washer-dryer in the boot of his. Because nothing says 'I'm crossing the desert' like the ability to do your laundry.In a city where you can buy a cocktail with gold leaf in it, where they're building skyscrapers that make the Burj Khalifa look like a garden gnome, the humble Nissan Patrol reigns supreme. It's madness. It's glorious. It's Dubai. So, the next time you're in Dubai and you see a Patrol thundering past, chrome gleaming in the desert sun, just remember: you're not looking at a car. You're looking at a cultural icon. A Japanese-built, Aussie-refined, Dubai-perfected testament to the fact that sometimes, the old ways are the best ways.And on that bombshell, I'm off to see if I can convince them to fit a jacuzzi in the back of one. It is Dubai, after all.
