In what might be the most Dubai thing to ever Dubai, Bugatti has just opened its first home boutique in The Dubai Mall Zabeel. Yes, you read that right - they're now selling furniture. Because apparently making 1,500-horsepower hypercars wasn't exclusive enough. But before you dismiss this as just another bizarre luxury venture, remember that Bugatti's founder, Ettore Bugatti, was obsessed with design well beyond automobiles. The man once designed a racing bicycle, created his own pasta machine, and even made a chair for his doctor in 1902. Though I suspect it cost slightly less than what they're charging now. Located in what is essentially the world's fanciest shopping center, this isn't just any furniture store. It's where the 0.1% of the 1% go to buy chairs that probably cost more than most people's cars. And in true Bugatti fashion, everything is "limited edition" and "exclusive" - words that in Bugatti-speak mean "if you have to ask the price, you definitely can't afford it." The craftsmanship, I must admit, is absolutely mental. Each piece is handmade in Italy by artisans who probably have longer titles than most corporate executives. They're using materials that sound like they belong in a hypercar spec sheet: carbon fiber, hand-stitched leather that probably came from cows that received daily massages, and something called "metallic lacquer" which I assume is just fancy paint that costs more than gold. The manufacturing process is exactly what you'd expect from Bugatti - ridiculously over-engineered. The carbon fiber pieces are laid by hand, each leather hide is inspected more thoroughly than a crime scene, and the wood... oh, the wood. It's European oak, which apparently is posher than non-European oak, selected with the kind of attention to detail usually reserved for organ transplants. The centerpiece of this temple to excess is the Cobra Chair, which comes in blue and white and was limited to just 110 pieces for Bugatti's 110th anniversary. There's also something called the Chiron chaise longue, which looks like it's floating and probably costs as much as an actual Chiron's tire change. This years also has something called the "TYPE_3 armchair". Bugatti says it takes inspiration from the 1970's, but to my eye it looks like it's straight out of the year 3000. It's wrapped in cashmere, wool, and silk, because apparently one expensive fabric wasn't enough. The rugs are hand-tufted, which I assume means someone spent weeks on their knees making sure each fiber points in exactly the right direction. Then there's the Ettore Grand Bureau desk, which uses enough carbon fiber to make an F1 team jealous. It's named after the company's founder, and I'm pretty sure it costs more than everything he owned in his lifetime combined. According to Wiebke Ståhl, Managing Director at Bugatti International, "Dubai is a key market in terms of design." Which is corporate speak for "People here actually buy this stuff." The timing isn't random either. This comes right after they announced the Bugatti Residences project in Dubai. Because apparently, if you own a Bugatti car and Bugatti furniture, the next logical step is to live in a Bugatti building. Each piece takes weeks, sometimes months to complete. The craftsmen probably have to meditate for three days before they're allowed to touch the materials. The quality control process is so strict, I heard they once rejected a piece because the stitching was off by the width of a human hair. Though given the prices they're charging, I'd expect nothing less. And on that bombshell, I'm off to sit on my perfectly normal, non-carbon fiber, doesn't-cost-as-much-as-a-house IKEA chair. Though I must admit, it doesn't come with a certificate of authenticity signed by someone wearing white gloves in a clean room in Italy. If anyone from Bugatti is reading this and wants to send me a Cobra Chair for review purposes, my living room is ready. I promise to only use it while wearing a tailored suit.
