In my mind, this is the most German display of indecision, ever. Including that one time someone tried to order a Berliner in Bavaria, and changed their mind halfway through. What am I on about?Well, Porsche has announced they're considering building a brand new gasoline-powered SUV. And this comes right after telling everyone they're killing off the gasoline-powered Macan. They’re going to use the same platform as well, sources close to production say. So my question is, why not just keep the Macan? Are they so bloody-minded that they are saying “we said we’ll not have a gas Macan after 2026, and we’re sticking to that decision”. This is the supercar version of breaking up with someone and then immediately downloading a dating app to find their doppelgänger. "It's not you, it's me. But also, do you have a twin?" The Macan, for those who don't know, has been Porsche's cash cow since 2014. They've shifted over 800,000 of the things, making it arguably the most important vehicle in their lineup if you care about trivial matters like "profit" and "keeping the lights on." But now it's being put out to pasture, with Porsche adamant that once the combustion-engined version dies in 2026, it dies for good. "In order to make the Macan better in every way, Porsche decided early on to fully electrify the model line. Porsche stands by this decision," the company said in what sounds like a statement written by someone who's trying very hard to convince themselves they've made the right choice. Here's where it gets properly confusing. While insisting that the Macan will never again burn dinosaur juice, Porsche casually mentioned they're "evaluating an independent model line in the SUV segment with combustion and hybrid powertrains." Which is corporate speak for "we're thinking about making a new petrol SUV that's definitely not a Macan, even though it will probably look a bit like one and do exactly the same job." This vehicular identity crisis stems from a statement made last November by Chief Financial Officer Lutz Meschke, who admitted they were looking at the possibility of sticking combustion engines into vehicles that were originally planned to be purely electric. "We are sticking with the combustion engine for much longer," he said, in what must have been very comforting news to the engineers who'd spent years developing those electric vehicles. The timing of all this is particularly amusing. Just over a month ago, Porsche announced it would be making "significant additional expenditures" to focus more on gasoline engines and hybrid powertrains. It seems those expenditures might include developing an entirely new SUV that will do exactly what the Macan does now, except it won't be called a Macan. It will have "Porsche's characteristic profile," which I assume means it will look exactly like a Macan but with just enough differences to justify the marketing team's existence. If this new SUV gets the green light, it won't arrive until around 2030, by which point we'll probably all be driving flying cars powered by recycled TikTok videos. Porsche also mentions it "would benefit from synergies," which is corporate speak for "we'll base it on another Volkswagen Group product because developing an entirely new platform would cost more than buying Luxembourg." Perhaps the most telling part of all this is the fact that Porsche feels the need to create a brand new combustion-engined SUV at all. They've spent years telling us about their electric future, about how the Taycan is just the beginning, and how they're committed to a carbon-neutral future. And yet, here they are, considering a brand new petrol-powered SUV that won't even hit the roads until the end of this decade. It's as if they've realized that electric cars, while impressive in many ways, still don't quite scratch that special Porsche itch for many of their customers. Electric motors are brilliant for straight-line acceleration, but they lack the character, the noise, and the emotional connection that comes from a finely tuned combustion engine. And let's face it, people who spend Porsche money want emotion and connection, not just transport. So there we have it. The Macan is dead, long live the not-Macan. Porsche is committed to an electric future, except when it isn't. And somewhere in Stuttgart, there's an engineer who's spent the last five years developing the electric Macan who's now seriously considering a career change. Oh, and lest we forget, there's still an electric Cayenne coming in the "medium-term" (whatever that means), and plans for a bigger, three-row electric SUV positioned above it. Because if there's one thing the world needs more of, it's massive electric SUVs that weigh as much as a small moon. And that also has the turning radius of the Bismarck. But oh well. I can't wait to see what Porsche announces next week. Perhaps a hydrogen-powered 911? Or maybe a 718 Boxster that runs on synthesized whale oil? At this point, nothing would surprise me.
