Smart cars used to be automotive punchlines - tiny, slow, and about as exciting as beige wallpaper. Now they've unleashed a 637hp electric monster that hits 60mph in 3.8 seconds. Has the world gone mad?For years, the smart brand has churned out tiny wheeled shoeboxes that were about as exciting as doing your tax return and less practical than a chocolate teapot. They were cars for people who didn't like cars, who viewed driving as a necessary evil rather than something to be enjoyed. They were automotive white goods – appliances designed to fulfill the basic function of transportation with all the passion and excitement of a washing machine. And yet here we are in 2025, and I find myself looking at something called the smart #5 BRABUS with what can only be described as genuine interest. It's as if the nerdy kid from school suddenly showed up at the reunion having transformed into a mixed martial arts champion. The Brabus Smart #5: When Smart Cars Were Stupid To understand how shocking this new smart #5 BRABUS is, we need to take a moment to remember what smart cars used to be. They were tiny. Comically tiny. The sort of tiny where you could park three of them perpendicular to the curb in a single parking space, which was about the only practical advantage they ever offered. The original smart cars were rear-engined, rear-wheel drive – which sounds exciting until you realize they had engines so small you could probably power them with a hamster on a wheel. The performance was glacial, with acceleration that made continental drift look sprightly. You had to plan overtaking maneuvers weeks in advance and possibly notify the local authorities. The interiors were a bizarre mix of clever packaging and Fisher-Price-esque plastics. The ride quality was so jarring that chiropractors would hand out business cards to smart owners at traffic lights. And the handling? It was like trying to steer a shopping trolley with a mind of its own during a hurricane. Then there was the semi-automatic gearbox, which changed gear with all the smoothness and finesse of someone learning to use a manual clutch for the first time while wearing skiing boots. Each shift would cause the whole car to lurch forward as if it had been rear-ended by an invisible vehicle, making passengers nod like those toy dogs people put in their rear windows.And throughout all this, smart owners would smugly tell you about their incredible fuel economy and ease of parking, as if saving £3 on petrol and being able to fit into half a parking space was worth the sacrifice of dignity, comfort, performance, and the respect of your peers. The Brabus Smart #5: A Redemption Arc And then there's this – the smart #5 BRABUS. It's as if someone at smart finally snapped after years of mockery and said, "Right, that's it. We're going to build something that doesn't make people point and laugh." For starters, it's not tiny. It's a proper mid-size SUV. It has five doors, a decent boot, and doesn't look like something that escaped from a Pixar movie. It has presence, with aggressive lines and distinctive contours that wouldn't look out of place on something wearing a BMW M badge or a Mercedes-AMG star. And then there's the power. With a peak output of 475 kW – that's about 637 horsepower in old money – this thing has more grunt than a Porsche Taycan Turbo. It will sprint from 0 to 100 km/h in just 3.8 seconds. That's not just quick for a smart – that's quick full stop. That's "rearrange your facial features under hard acceleration" quick. The smart #5 BRABUS is built on an 800-volt architecture, which means it can charge at up to 400 kW. To put that in context, most electric cars today struggle to accept even half that amount of electricity. This thing can go from 10% to 80% battery in just 18 minutes, which is barely enough time to go to the toilet and buy an overpriced coffee at a motorway service station. Inside, it's worlds away from the cheap and cheerful interiors of smarts past. There's microfiber upholstery, ventilated front seats, heated rear seats, and a cutting-edge infotainment system with dual central OLED displays plus a separate 13-inch screen for the front passenger. There's even a Sennheiser Signature Sound System with 20 high-performance speakers, which is about 19 more than you'd find in an original smart. The transformation is so complete, so utterly unexpected, that it's like discovering that your timid, train-spotting neighbor is secretly a cage fighter. It defies belief. It's as if Piers Morgan suddenly revealed himself to be a kind, thoughtful individual with balanced political views. This is the work of BRABUS, the German tuning company better known for taking already quick Mercedes models and turning them into weapons-grade autobahn destroyers. They've somehow managed to sprinkle their high-performance magic on smart's electric platform, creating something that will make Tesla owners nervously check their rearview mirrors. The smart #5 BRABUS is what happens when a brand decides to stop playing it safe and instead goes completely, gloriously mad. It's a statement of intent, a line in the sand, a declaration that smart is no longer content to be the butt of car enthusiasts' jokes. Will it change the perception of smart overnight? Probably not. Brand images take years to transform, and there are still plenty of original smarts puttering around city centers, being overtaken by determined pedestrians. But it's a start – and what a start it is. For decades, smart has been the automotive equivalent of the kid who gets picked last for the football team. With the #5 BRABUS, they've suddenly turned up with boots, shin pads, and the skills of Lionel Messi. It's unexpected, it's impressive, and I'm not entirely sure how to process it. I never thought I'd write these words, but here goes: I'm actually quite excited about a smart car. The world, it seems, is full of surprises.
