Diesel engines and supercars go together about as well as champagne and fish fingers. It's not that they can't coexist; it's just that nobody in their right mind would want them to. For decades, diesel has been the fuel of choice for farmers, taxi drivers, and people who think excitement is a particularly spicy korma on a Friday night. The problem is fundamental: diesel engines are inherently agricultural. They're heavier than petrol engines, they don't rev as high, and they sound like a bag of hammers being thrown down a staircase. While they do produce biblical amounts of torque – the sort that can uproot trees – they've traditionally lacked the horsepower and theatrical soundtrack that make supercars, well, super. But that hasn't stopped some manufacturers from trying to inject a bit of excitement into the black pump brigade. Mainly German manufacturers, it must be said, because if there's one nation that can take something inherently unexciting and make it perform, it's the Germans. They're the same people who can make a washing machine that reaches 1,600 rpm, after all. So here they are, the nine quickest diesel cars ever to lay rubber on tarmac. Cars that defy the traditional diesel stereotypes of sluggishness and smelliness, and instead deliver the kind of acceleration that can compress your spine and rearrange your internal organs. Just don't expect them to sound good while doing it. 10. Mercedes CLS 400d 0-60 time: 5.0 secondsThe 2023 Mercedes CLS 400d is one of those cars that proves even the Germans sometimes forget what they're trying to build halfway through the design process. It's part executive saloon, part coupé, and entirely confused about its identity – like a middle-aged accountant who suddenly buys leather trousers and gets an ear piercing. Powered by a 2.9-liter turbocharged diesel engine coupled to a nine-speed automatic gearbox, it produces a respectable 330 horsepower and enough torque to tow a small house. The slippery, swooping bodywork no doubt helps it punch through the air with minimal resistance, which is probably why it can reach 60 mph in 5 seconds flat despite weighing roughly the same as a fully-loaded container ship. It's gloriously comfortable on the motorway but try to hustle it down a country lane and it quickly reminds you that it's more suited to wafting company directors to board meetings than setting lap records. 9. Audi SQ5 TDI 0-60 time: 5.1 seconds The Audi SQ5 TDI was one of the pioneers of the "performance diesel" movement, a phrase that previously would have been considered an oxymoron, like "affordable Bentley" or "reliable Italian electronics." When it first appeared, the idea of a diesel-powered SUV that could out-accelerate most sports cars seemed about as likely as finding out your cat speaks fluent Mandarin. Under the hood lurked a 3.0-liter V6 biturbo diesel engine producing 347 horsepower and, more importantly, 516 lb-ft of torque. That's enough twisting force to unscrew the Earth from its axis. Paired with Quattro all-wheel drive, it meant that the SQ5 could launch from standstill with the kind of ferocity that would have passengers checking if they'd left their stomach at the last set of traffic lights. 8. BMW M550d xDrive (2012) 0-60 time: 4.9 seconds BMW's first attempt at making a diesel M-car-that's-not-quite-an-M-car was the original M550d, and what an attempt it was. This 5 Series had not one, not two, but THREE turbochargers bolted to its 3.0-liter straight-six diesel. It was as if BMW's engineers were having a competition to see how many turbos they could fit before the engine bay caught fire. The result was 381 horsepower and 546 lb-ft of torque, enough to propel this executive saloon to 60 mph in 4.9 seconds while returning the kind of fuel economy figures that would make a Toyota Prius owner weep with jealousy. It was the perfect car for the executive who wanted to tear up a B-road and still make it from London to Edinburgh on a single tank. The only downside was the badge, which was so long that by the time you'd finished reading it, the car had already disappeared over the horizon. 7. Mercedes-Benz E450d 4Matic 0-60 time: 4.8 seconds Mercedes decided that what the world really needed was a 3.0-liter straight-six diesel in its E-Class that could produce 382 horsepower and a colossal 553 lb-ft of torque. It's as if they took a normal diesel engine and fed it nothing but protein shakes and creatine for six months. The E450d was the automotive equivalent of a nightclub bouncer in a tailored suit – sophisticated on the outside, but capable of tremendous violence when provoked. Despite weighing roughly the same as a small battleship, it could sprint to 60 mph in just 4.8 seconds. And it did all this while cosseting its occupants in the kind of luxury that makes you wonder if kings have it too good. The air suspension in particular made speed bumps feel like they were made of marshmallow, which is handy when you're traveling at speeds that would traditionally require a runway. 6. Bentley Bentayga Diesel 0-60 time: 4.8 seconds When Bentley announced they were making a diesel, the motoring world collectively raised an eyebrow so high it practically disappeared into orbit. A diesel Bentley made about as much sense as a solar-powered submarine. But they went ahead and did it anyway, borrowing Audi's 4.0-liter V8 twin-turbo diesel and giving it an electric supercharger for good measure. The result was 429 horsepower, 664 lb-ft of torque, and the ability to reach 60 mph in 4.8 seconds, which is remarkable for something that weighs as much as a small moon and has all the aerodynamic properties of a country manor. The Bentayga Diesel could also reach 168 mph, though you'd probably not realize it, such was the refinement. You could cross continents in this car, stopping only for fuel every 1,000 kilometers or so, and arrive feeling as fresh as if you'd just popped to the corner shop. It was so good that it makes you wonder why Bentley discontinued it just two years after launching it. Oh, right. Dieselgate. 5. BMW M440d xDrive 0-60 time: 4.6 seconds BMW's 3.0-liter B57 diesel engine is a masterpiece of engineering, like a Swiss watch that runs on diesel. In the M440d, it produces 340 horsepower and 516 lb-ft of torque – more torque than you get from the petrol-powered M4 CSL, which is supposed to be the ultimate track weapon. This coupe can sprint to 60 mph in just 4.6 seconds, which is quick enough to disarrange your hairdo if you have the windows down. But what's really impressive is the in-gear acceleration. Plant your foot at 50 mph, and the car surges forward with the kind of relentless, unstoppable force usually associated with continental drift. And unlike most of the cars on this list, it's actually decent around corners too, thanks to its M Sport suspension and brakes. It's proof that diesel cars don't have to be boring, though they still sound like they're powered by a bag of walnuts being repeatedly hit with a hammer. 4. Audi A8 4.2 TDI Quattro 0-60 time: 4.6 seconds Audi took a perfectly sensible luxury limousine and decided what it really needed was a 4.2-liter V8 twin-turbo diesel engine with 385 horsepower and a frankly ludicrous 627 lb-ft of torque. That's the kind of thinking that would get you sectioned in most countries, but in Germany, it gets you a promotion. The resulting A8 TDI could accelerate from 0-60 mph in just 4.6 seconds, which is impressive for a car that's essentially a leather-lined living room on wheels. What's more, this torque-monster could deliver its full 627 lb-ft from just 2,000 rpm, meaning it had the kind of mid-range punch that could embarrass sports cars costing twice as much. Audi electronically limited the top speed to 155 mph, probably because they were worried about what might happen if they didn't. It could also manage 667 miles on a single tank, meaning you could drive from London to Switzerland without stopping, though your bladder might have other ideas. 3. BMW M550d xDrive (2019) 0-60 time: 4.4 seconds Just when you thought BMW had reached peak insanity with the triple-turbo M550d, they went and added a FOURTH turbocharger to the mix. This is the kind of engineering excess that would make even NASA engineers say, "Steady on, lads." The 2019 M550d's B57S diesel engine used a complex sequential turbocharging system with two small turbos for immediate response and two larger ones for maximum power. The result was 400 horsepower and 561 lb-ft of torque, available from just 2,000 rpm. But what's really amazing is that 330 lb-ft was available from just 1,000 rpm, meaning this executive saloon had more low-down grunt than a sumo wrestler with indigestion.The sprint to 60 mph took just 4.4 seconds, which is remarkable for a five-seater diesel car that weighs nearly two tons. It was also capable of returning over 40 mpg if driven sensibly, though that's a bit like buying a tiger and expecting it to eat lettuce. This car was the ultimate expression of diesel performance before BMW decided that the future was electric, not diesel. A shame, because this quad-turbo monster was a technological marvel, even if it did have enough pipework under the bonnet to make a plumber's van look understocked. 2. Audi SQ8 TDI 0-60 time: 4.3 seconds The Audi SQ8 TDI was what happened when Audi's engineers were clearly having too much fun at the Christmas party and someone said, "You know what would be hilarious? If we put our most powerful diesel engine in our most ridiculously oversized SUV." And then they actually did it. Under the bonnet was a 4.0-liter V8 biturbo diesel with an electric compressor, producing 435 horsepower and 664 lb-ft of torque. That's enough twisting force to reverse the rotation of the Earth. This behemoth could accelerate from 0-60 mph in just 4.3 seconds, which defies both physics and common sense. It's like watching an elephant do ballet – it shouldn't be possible, but it's magnificent when it happens. The SQ8 TDI also featured 48-volt mild hybrid technology, active roll stabilization, and four-wheel steering, making it handle with surprising agility for something the size and weight of a small apartment building. It was the ultimate expression of diesel performance in SUV form, before Audi gave up on diesel altogether and went full electric with the SQ8 e-tron. Progress, I suppose, though I'll miss the tsunami of torque that only a massive diesel V8 can deliver. 1. Porsche Panamera 4S Diesel 0-60 time: 4.3 seconds If you'd told Ferry Porsche back in the 1950s that one day his company would make a four-door, diesel-powered hatchback that weighs as much as a small tank, he'd have had you committed. And yet, here we are with the Panamera 4S Diesel, the quickest oil-burner ever to wear the Porsche crest. Powered by a 4.0-liter biturbo V8 diesel (the same basic engine as in the Audi SQ8 and Bentley Bentayga Diesel), the Panamera produced 422 horsepower and 627 lb-ft of torque. That was enough to propel this two-ton luxury express to 60 mph in just 4.3 seconds, and on to a top speed of 177 mph if you optioned the Sport Chrono package. Those are supercar numbers from a decade ago, achieved by a car that can carry four adults in supreme comfort and still has room for their golf clubs. What's most impressive about the Panamera 4S Diesel isn't just its straight-line pace, but the fact that it handles like a proper Porsche. While most fast diesels feel like they've had a heart transplant but still lumber around corners like the donor body, the Panamera carved through bends with precision and poise that belied its size and weight. It was also, sadly, the last of its kind. Porsche killed off all its diesel models in 2018, making this the fastest diesel car ever made, and likely the fastest diesel car that ever will be made. A fitting end to the brief and unlikely marriage of diesel and performance.
