Dubai's Favourite: G-Wagons - The Bricks That Refuse to Crumble

In the glittering desert metropolis of Dubai, where gold-plated supercars are as common as sand, you'd think the vehicle of choice would be something sleek, something fast, something... well, not shaped like a toolshed on wheels.

But no.

The car that's captured the hearts of oil sheiks and Instagram influencers alike is none other than the Mercedes-Benz G-Class, or as it's affectionately known, the G-Wagon.

Now, for those of you who've been living under a rock - which, incidentally, is what the G-Wagon looks like it's made from - let me explain. The G-Wagon began life as a military vehicle back in 1979. It was designed to be as aerodynamic as a garden shed and about as comfortable as one too. But somehow, through some bizarre twist of automotive evolution, this boxy behemoth has become the must-have accessory for anyone who's anyone in Dubai.

The Mercedes-Benz G-Class Would Be My Forever Car - CNET

The Appeal of the Unappealing

You see, in a city where everything is designed to be cutting-edge, the G-Wagon stands out precisely because it isn't. It's a dinosaur, a relic, a vehicular fossil that's somehow survived the meteor strike of modern automotive design. And the people of Dubai absolutely love it.

Why? Well, for starters, it's about as subtle as a punch in the face. In a place where subtlety is considered a cardinal sin, that's a good thing.

The G-Wagon doesn't whisper wealth, it screams it. It's the automotive equivalent of walking around with a neon sign that says "I'M LOADED" strapped to your forehead.

Power to the People (Who Can Afford It)

Mercedes-Benz Reveals First-Ever Electric G-Wagon • Carbon Credits

But it's not just about looks. Oh no. Under that boxy bonnet lies an engine that could wake the dead. The top-of-the-line AMG G 63 packs a 4.0-litre V8 biturbo engine that produces 577 horsepower.

That's enough to propel this leather-lined brick to 60 mph in just 4.5 seconds. It's physics-defying acceleration that will have you pinned to your seat, questioning everything you thought you knew about the laws of motion.

And let's talk about that interior. It's like someone took a five-star hotel room, shrunk it down, and crammed it into a tank.

You've got leather softer than a baby's bottom, a dashboard that looks like it belongs in the Starship Enterprise, and enough gadgets to make James Bond jealous. It's opulence on wheels, a mobile mansion that just happens to be capable of climbing a vertical wall.

Electric G-Wagon: Pricing, Performance for New Mercedes-Benz SUV - Bloomberg

The Price of Popularity

Now, you might be thinking, "Surely, in a city where everyone and their pet cheetah has one, the G-Wagon might be losing its appeal?"

Wrong.

In Dubai, the G-Wagon isn't just a car, it's a canvas.

I've seen these things painted in colors that would make a rainbow look dull.

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I've seen them covered in Swarovski crystals, wrapped in gold leaf, even one that had been turned into a six-wheeled monster truck. Because in Dubai, having a G-Wagon isn't enough. You need to have the G-Wagon.

Of course, all this comes at a price. The base model will set you back about 200,000 dirhams, which is roughly the GDP of a small nation.

And that's before you start adding options. Want massage seats? That'll be extra. Fancy a built-in champagne cooler? Of course you do, and that'll cost you the price of a decent family car. By the time you're done, you could have bought a fleet of normal cars, or a small island.

G-Class SUV - Iconic Luxury SUV | Mercedes-Benz USA

The Last Word

But that's the point, isn't it?

It's ridiculous, it's impractical, it guzzles fuel like a thirsty camel at an oasis.

And that's exactly why Dubai loves it. So, the next time you're in Dubai and you see a G-Wagon rumbling past, resplendent in its box-like glory, remember this: You're not just looking at a car. You're looking at a cultural icon, a symbol of wealth and excess, a middle finger to practicality and good taste.

And in Dubai, that's the highest compliment a car can receive.